take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
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Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess