she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
