Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
