do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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