found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
