Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
