Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
