I'm gonna have a badass scar
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
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It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.