I think my fart just growled at me.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
high people should be assigned attendants
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
