Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"