I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?