Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i now understand why vodka
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
