when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
