Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
