I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
