I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
