he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
