guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
