your parents love me but you hate me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
