u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize