DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
