dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize