dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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