Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
