he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Randomize
