we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
