Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
