I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
