Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
