Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
