After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
