I just saw a hot homeless man
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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