Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
