So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's blow job season.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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