Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
