My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
