Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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