You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
