he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
