Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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