a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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