The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
