just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
