She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
