Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
