your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
