I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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