Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
