how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
