And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
