so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
