so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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