Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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