i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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