She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
