dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
