I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
