is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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