And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
