I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
