He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
