Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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