you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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