So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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