whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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