You just made me feel so damn special
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
