No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
