someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
