FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
