we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
