drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
