life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
