If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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