Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
