I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
