Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
