He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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