Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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