everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
