You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
