I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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