so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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