i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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