People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
