shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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