On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize