he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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