Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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