I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
