I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You ruined the universe
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
