wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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